TOWN AND PLACE NAMES
AROUND THE WORLD
FUNNY 'n' CHEEKY 'n' WIERD 'n' RUDE
Acock’s Green (Worcestershire, UK)* thank God it’s only one
Advent (a parish in Cornwall, UK) *
Ae pronounced Ay as in ABC (Dumfries, Scotland) *
Agay (France) *
Air (Aberdeenshire, UK) *
Alderbeer (Cornwall, UK) * for the OAPs
Ale and Cakes (a copper mine 1884, Cornwall, UK) *
Alewife (Boston, MA, USA) * clay pipes and chewing tobacco spring to mind!
Amble by the Sea (Northumberland, UK) *
Antler (Saskatchewan, Canada) *
Ardfork (Aberdeenshire) *
Ardgay (Ross & Cromarty, UK) *
Ardlaw (Aberdeenshire) *
Ardtoe (Argyllshire) *
Ardullie (Ross and Cromarty, UK) * boring ~ boring
Armed Knight (Cornwall, UK) * a rock off Lands End, what did Merlin do to Sir Lancelot.
Arnybogs (Aberdeenshire, Scotland) *
Allanstank (Aberdeenshire, Scotland) * too much haggis I think
Appletreewick (North Yorkshire, UK) *
Arsoli (Lazio, Italy)
Assawoman (VA, USA) *
Assloss (Ayrshire, Scotland) *
Auchtertool (Fife, Scotland) *
AROUND THE WORLD
FUNNY 'n' CHEEKY 'n' WIERD 'n' RUDE
Acock’s Green (Worcestershire, UK)* thank God it’s only one
Advent (a parish in Cornwall, UK) *
Ae pronounced Ay as in ABC (Dumfries, Scotland) *
Agay (France) *
Air (Aberdeenshire, UK) *
Alderbeer (Cornwall, UK) * for the OAPs
Ale and Cakes (a copper mine 1884, Cornwall, UK) *
Alewife (Boston, MA, USA) * clay pipes and chewing tobacco spring to mind!
Amble by the Sea (Northumberland, UK) *
Antler (Saskatchewan, Canada) *
Ardfork (Aberdeenshire) *
Ardgay (Ross & Cromarty, UK) *
Ardlaw (Aberdeenshire) *
Ardtoe (Argyllshire) *
Ardullie (Ross and Cromarty, UK) * boring ~ boring
Armed Knight (Cornwall, UK) * a rock off Lands End, what did Merlin do to Sir Lancelot.
Arnybogs (Aberdeenshire, Scotland) *
Allanstank (Aberdeenshire, Scotland) * too much haggis I think
Appletreewick (North Yorkshire, UK) *
Arsoli (Lazio, Italy)
Assawoman (VA, USA) *
Assloss (Ayrshire, Scotland) *
Auchtertool (Fife, Scotland) *
? What Tree Did You Fall From ?
Find your birthday
Find your tree
Then scroll down...
Jan 01 to Jan 11 - Fir Tree
Jan 12 to Jan 24 - Elm Tree
Jan 25 to Feb 03 - Cypress Tree
Feb 04 to Feb 08 - Poplar Tree
Feb 09 to Feb 18 - Cedar Tree
Feb 19 to Feb 28 - Pine Tree
Mar 01 to Mar 10 - Weeping Willow Tree
Mar 11 to Mar 20 - Lime Tree
Mar 21 - Oak Tree
Mar 22 to Mar 31 - Hazelnut Tree
Apr 01 to Apr 10 - Rowan Tree
Apr 11 to Apr 20 - Maple Tree
Apr 21 to Apr 30 - Walnut Tree
May 01 to May 14 - Poplar Tree
May 15 to May 24 - Chestnut Tree
May 25 to Jun 03 - Ash Tree
Jun 04 to Jun 13 - Hornbeam Tree
Jun 14 to Jun 23 - Fig Tree
Jun 24 - Birch Tree
Jun 25 to Jul 04 - Apple Tree
Jul 05 to Jul 14 - Fir Tree
Jul 15 to Jul 25 - Elm Tree
Jul 26 to Aug 04 - Cypress Tree
Aug 05 to Aug 13 - Poplar Tree
Aug 14 to Aug 23 - Cedar Tree
Aug 24 to Sep 02 - Pine Tree
Sep 03 to Sep 12 - Weeping Willow Tree
Sep 13 to Sep 22 - Lime Tree
Sep 23 - Olive Tree
Sep 24 to Oct 03 - Hazelnut Tree
Oct 04 to Oct 13 - Rowan Tree
Oct 14 to Oct 23 - Maple Tree
Oct 24 to Nov 11 - Walnut Tree
Nov 12 to Nov 21 - Chestnut Tree
Nov 22 to Dec 01 - Ash Tree
Dec 02 to Dec 11 - Hornbeam Tree
Dec 12 to Dec 21 - Fig Tree
Dec 22 - Beech Tree
Dec 23 to Dec 31 - Apple Tree
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
APPLE TREE (Love) - of slight build, lots of charm, appeal, and attraction, pleasant aura, flirtatious, adventurous, sensitive, always in love, wants to love and be loved, faithful and tender partner, very generous, scientific talents, lives for today, a carefree philosopher with imagination.
ASH TREE (Ambition) - uncommonly attractive, vivacious, impulsive, demanding, does not care for criticism, ambitious, intelligent, talented, likes to play with fate, can be egotistic, very reliable and trustworthy, faithful and prudent lover, sometimes brains rule over the heart, but takes partnership very seriously.
BEECH TREE (Creative) - has good taste, concerned about its looks, materialistic, good organization of life and career, economical, good leader, takes no unnecessary risks, reasonable, splendid lifetime companion, keen on keeping fit (diets, sports, etc.)
BIRCH TREE (Inspiration) - vivacious, attractive, elegant, friendly,pretentious, modest, does not like anything in excess, abhors the vulgar, loves life in nature and in calm, not very passionate, full of imagination, little ambition, creates a calm and content atmosphere.
CEDAR TREE (Confidence) - of rare beauty, knows how to adapt, likes luxury, of good health, not in the least shy, tends to look down on others,self-confident, determined, impatient, likes to impress others, many talents, industrious, healthy optimism, waiting for the one true love, able to make quick decisions.
CHESTNUT TREE (Honesty) - of unusual beauty, does not want to impress, well-developed sense of justice, vivacious, interested, a born diplomat, but irritates easily and sensitive in company, often due to a lack of self confidence, acts sometimes superior, feels not understood, loves only once, has difficulties in finding a partner.
CYPRESS TREE (Faithfulness) - strong, muscular, adaptable, takes what life has to give, content, optimistic, craves money and acknowledgment, hates loneliness, passionate lover which cannot be satisfied, faithful, quick-tempered, unruly, pedantic, and careless.
ELM TREE (Noble-Minded) - pleasant shape, tasteful clothes, loudest demands, tends not to forgive mistakes, cheerful, likes to lead but not to obey, honest and faithful partner, likes making decisions for others, noble-minded, generous, good sense of humor, practical.
FIG TREE (Sensibility) - very strong, a bit self-willed,independent, does not allow contradiction or arguments, loves life, its family, children and animals, a bit of a social butterfly, good sense of humor, likes idleness and laziness, of practical talent and intelligence.
FIR TREE (Mysterious) - extraordinary taste, dignity, sophisticated, loves anything beautiful, moody, stubborn, tends to egoism but cares for those close to them, rather modest, very ambitious, talented, industrious, uncontested lover, many friends, many foes, very reliable.
HAZELNUT TREE (Extraordinary) - charming, undemanding, very understanding, knows how to make an impression, active fighter for social cause, popular, moody, and capricious lover, honest, and tolerant partner, precise sense of judgment.
HORNBEAM TREE (Good Taste) - of cool beauty, cares for its looks and condition, good taste, is not egoistic, makes life as comfortable as possible, leads a reasonable and disciplined life, looks for kindness and acknowledgment in an emotional partner, dreams of unusual lovers, is seldom happy with its feelings, mistrusts most people, is never sure of its decisions, very conscientious.
LIME TREE (Doubt) - accepts what life dishes out in a composed way, hates fighting, stress, and labor, dislikes laziness and idleness, soft and relenting, makes sacrifices for friends, many talents but not tenacious enough to make them blossom, often wailing and complaining, very jealous but loyal.
MAPLE TREE (Independent) - no ordinary person, full of imagination and originality, shy and reserved, ambitious, proud, self-confident, hungers for new experiences, sometimes nervous, has many complexities, good memory, learns easily, complicated love life, wants to impress.
OAK TREE (Brave) - robust nature, courageous, strong, unrelenting, independent, sensible, does not like change, keeps its feet on the ground, person of action.
OLIVE TREE (Wisdom) - loves sun, warmth and kind feelings, reasonable, balanced, avoids aggression and violence, tolerant, cheerful, calm, well-developed sense of justice, sensitive, empathetic, free of jealousy, loves to read and the company of sophisticated people.
PINE TREE (Particular) - loves agreeable company, very robust, knows how to make life comfortable, very active, natural, good companion, but seldom friendly, falls easily in love but its passion burns out quickly, gives up easily, everything disappointments until it finds its ideal, trustworthy, practical.
POPLAR TREE (Uncertainty) - looks very decorative, not very self-confident, only courageous if necessary, needs goodwill and pleasant surroundings, very choosy, often lonely, great animosity, artistic nature, good organizer, tends to lean toward philosophy, reliable in any situation, takes partnership seriously.
ROWAN TREE (Sensitivity) - full of charm, cheerful, gifted without egoism, likes to draw attention, loves life, motion, unrest, and even complications, is both dependent and independent, good taste, artistic, passionate, emotional, good company, does not forgive.
WALNUT TREE (Passion) - unrelenting, strange and full of contrasts, often egotistic, aggressive, noble, broad horizon, unexpected reactions, spontaneous, unlimited ambition, no flexibility, difficult and uncommon partner, not always liked but often admired, ingenious strategist, very jealous and passionate, no compromise.
WEEPING WILLOW (Melancholy) - beautiful but full of melancholy, attractive, very empathetic, loves anything beautiful and tasteful, loves to travel, dreamer, restless, capricious, honest, can be influenced but is not easy to live with, demanding, good intuition, suffers in love but finds sometimes an anchoring partner
Find your birthday
Find your tree
Then scroll down...
Jan 01 to Jan 11 - Fir Tree
Jan 12 to Jan 24 - Elm Tree
Jan 25 to Feb 03 - Cypress Tree
Feb 04 to Feb 08 - Poplar Tree
Feb 09 to Feb 18 - Cedar Tree
Feb 19 to Feb 28 - Pine Tree
Mar 01 to Mar 10 - Weeping Willow Tree
Mar 11 to Mar 20 - Lime Tree
Mar 21 - Oak Tree
Mar 22 to Mar 31 - Hazelnut Tree
Apr 01 to Apr 10 - Rowan Tree
Apr 11 to Apr 20 - Maple Tree
Apr 21 to Apr 30 - Walnut Tree
May 01 to May 14 - Poplar Tree
May 15 to May 24 - Chestnut Tree
May 25 to Jun 03 - Ash Tree
Jun 04 to Jun 13 - Hornbeam Tree
Jun 14 to Jun 23 - Fig Tree
Jun 24 - Birch Tree
Jun 25 to Jul 04 - Apple Tree
Jul 05 to Jul 14 - Fir Tree
Jul 15 to Jul 25 - Elm Tree
Jul 26 to Aug 04 - Cypress Tree
Aug 05 to Aug 13 - Poplar Tree
Aug 14 to Aug 23 - Cedar Tree
Aug 24 to Sep 02 - Pine Tree
Sep 03 to Sep 12 - Weeping Willow Tree
Sep 13 to Sep 22 - Lime Tree
Sep 23 - Olive Tree
Sep 24 to Oct 03 - Hazelnut Tree
Oct 04 to Oct 13 - Rowan Tree
Oct 14 to Oct 23 - Maple Tree
Oct 24 to Nov 11 - Walnut Tree
Nov 12 to Nov 21 - Chestnut Tree
Nov 22 to Dec 01 - Ash Tree
Dec 02 to Dec 11 - Hornbeam Tree
Dec 12 to Dec 21 - Fig Tree
Dec 22 - Beech Tree
Dec 23 to Dec 31 - Apple Tree
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
APPLE TREE (Love) - of slight build, lots of charm, appeal, and attraction, pleasant aura, flirtatious, adventurous, sensitive, always in love, wants to love and be loved, faithful and tender partner, very generous, scientific talents, lives for today, a carefree philosopher with imagination.
ASH TREE (Ambition) - uncommonly attractive, vivacious, impulsive, demanding, does not care for criticism, ambitious, intelligent, talented, likes to play with fate, can be egotistic, very reliable and trustworthy, faithful and prudent lover, sometimes brains rule over the heart, but takes partnership very seriously.
BEECH TREE (Creative) - has good taste, concerned about its looks, materialistic, good organization of life and career, economical, good leader, takes no unnecessary risks, reasonable, splendid lifetime companion, keen on keeping fit (diets, sports, etc.)
BIRCH TREE (Inspiration) - vivacious, attractive, elegant, friendly,pretentious, modest, does not like anything in excess, abhors the vulgar, loves life in nature and in calm, not very passionate, full of imagination, little ambition, creates a calm and content atmosphere.
CEDAR TREE (Confidence) - of rare beauty, knows how to adapt, likes luxury, of good health, not in the least shy, tends to look down on others,self-confident, determined, impatient, likes to impress others, many talents, industrious, healthy optimism, waiting for the one true love, able to make quick decisions.
CHESTNUT TREE (Honesty) - of unusual beauty, does not want to impress, well-developed sense of justice, vivacious, interested, a born diplomat, but irritates easily and sensitive in company, often due to a lack of self confidence, acts sometimes superior, feels not understood, loves only once, has difficulties in finding a partner.
CYPRESS TREE (Faithfulness) - strong, muscular, adaptable, takes what life has to give, content, optimistic, craves money and acknowledgment, hates loneliness, passionate lover which cannot be satisfied, faithful, quick-tempered, unruly, pedantic, and careless.
ELM TREE (Noble-Minded) - pleasant shape, tasteful clothes, loudest demands, tends not to forgive mistakes, cheerful, likes to lead but not to obey, honest and faithful partner, likes making decisions for others, noble-minded, generous, good sense of humor, practical.
FIG TREE (Sensibility) - very strong, a bit self-willed,independent, does not allow contradiction or arguments, loves life, its family, children and animals, a bit of a social butterfly, good sense of humor, likes idleness and laziness, of practical talent and intelligence.
FIR TREE (Mysterious) - extraordinary taste, dignity, sophisticated, loves anything beautiful, moody, stubborn, tends to egoism but cares for those close to them, rather modest, very ambitious, talented, industrious, uncontested lover, many friends, many foes, very reliable.
HAZELNUT TREE (Extraordinary) - charming, undemanding, very understanding, knows how to make an impression, active fighter for social cause, popular, moody, and capricious lover, honest, and tolerant partner, precise sense of judgment.
HORNBEAM TREE (Good Taste) - of cool beauty, cares for its looks and condition, good taste, is not egoistic, makes life as comfortable as possible, leads a reasonable and disciplined life, looks for kindness and acknowledgment in an emotional partner, dreams of unusual lovers, is seldom happy with its feelings, mistrusts most people, is never sure of its decisions, very conscientious.
LIME TREE (Doubt) - accepts what life dishes out in a composed way, hates fighting, stress, and labor, dislikes laziness and idleness, soft and relenting, makes sacrifices for friends, many talents but not tenacious enough to make them blossom, often wailing and complaining, very jealous but loyal.
MAPLE TREE (Independent) - no ordinary person, full of imagination and originality, shy and reserved, ambitious, proud, self-confident, hungers for new experiences, sometimes nervous, has many complexities, good memory, learns easily, complicated love life, wants to impress.
OAK TREE (Brave) - robust nature, courageous, strong, unrelenting, independent, sensible, does not like change, keeps its feet on the ground, person of action.
OLIVE TREE (Wisdom) - loves sun, warmth and kind feelings, reasonable, balanced, avoids aggression and violence, tolerant, cheerful, calm, well-developed sense of justice, sensitive, empathetic, free of jealousy, loves to read and the company of sophisticated people.
PINE TREE (Particular) - loves agreeable company, very robust, knows how to make life comfortable, very active, natural, good companion, but seldom friendly, falls easily in love but its passion burns out quickly, gives up easily, everything disappointments until it finds its ideal, trustworthy, practical.
POPLAR TREE (Uncertainty) - looks very decorative, not very self-confident, only courageous if necessary, needs goodwill and pleasant surroundings, very choosy, often lonely, great animosity, artistic nature, good organizer, tends to lean toward philosophy, reliable in any situation, takes partnership seriously.
ROWAN TREE (Sensitivity) - full of charm, cheerful, gifted without egoism, likes to draw attention, loves life, motion, unrest, and even complications, is both dependent and independent, good taste, artistic, passionate, emotional, good company, does not forgive.
WALNUT TREE (Passion) - unrelenting, strange and full of contrasts, often egotistic, aggressive, noble, broad horizon, unexpected reactions, spontaneous, unlimited ambition, no flexibility, difficult and uncommon partner, not always liked but often admired, ingenious strategist, very jealous and passionate, no compromise.
WEEPING WILLOW (Melancholy) - beautiful but full of melancholy, attractive, very empathetic, loves anything beautiful and tasteful, loves to travel, dreamer, restless, capricious, honest, can be influenced but is not easy to live with, demanding, good intuition, suffers in love but finds sometimes an anchoring partner
COCKNEY RHYMING SLANG
To most people living outside London a "Cockney" is any Londoner; But a Cockney is a person born within hearing distance of the sound of Bow bells, the bells of the Church of St Mary Le Bow in Cheapside, London, EC2 . Although much of Cockney Rhyming slang has now become part of general speech, originally it was a secret language, thought to have originated in the 18th century by street traders to communicate with each other whilst trading illegally. (although it's roots may go far deeper)
There is a lot of modern rhyming slang around these days.
WORDS TO
"Fings Ain't What They Used T' Be"
MONEY SLANG
Archer = £2000
Bag of Sand = £1000
Grand = £1000
Monkey = £500
Ton = £100
Carpet = £30
Pony = £25
Macaroni = £25
Apple Core = £20
Score = £20
Speckled Hen = £10
Uncle Ben = £10
Nigel Ben = £10
Paul McKenna = £10
Ayrton (Senna) = Tenner = £10
Lady (Godiva) = Fiver = £5
Taxi Driver = Fiver = £5
Nicker or Quid = £1
Ten Bob Bit = 50p piece
Oxford = 5 shillings
Lord of the Manor = Tanner (sixpence)
Tanner = sixpence
COCKNEY RHYMING SLANG
NUMBERS
1 = Wunner = 1
1 = Lost & Won
2 = Bottle Of Glue
3 = Holy Sea
4 = Stand in Awe
5 = Jacks Alive
5 = Ching
6 = Fiddle Stick
7 = Exeter in Devon
8 = Harry Tate
8 = Fartoo
9 = Coal Mine
10 = Big Ben
10 = Bill & Ben
10 = Cock & Hen
10 = Foxes Den
10 = Tony Ben
11 = Hell and Heaven
12 = Dig and Delve
13 = Hurt and Be Mean
14 = Sortin' letters
20 = Mussels a Plenty)
30 = Flirty Gertie
50 = Nifty
50 = Bullseye
* * * * * *
Chineses Dentist = 2:30 = tooth hurty
BITS & BOBS
Adam and Eve = Believe
Apples and Pears = Stairs
Aunt Mable = Table
Baked Potato = See You Later
Ball and Chalk = Walk
Barnaby Rudge = Judge
Barny Rubble = Trouble
Bat and Wicket = Ticket
Bees Wax = Tax
Bird Lime = Time = Prison Sentence
Bob Hope = Dope (Marijuana)
Bobble Hat and Scarf = Laugh (You 'avin' a bobble; you can't be serious)
Borasic Lint = Skint (broke: no money)
Brixton Riot = Diet
Brown Bread = Dead
Bread and Honey = Money
Bubble Barf/Bath = laugh (you 'avin' a bubble..)
Bubble and Squeak = Speak
Bull and Cow = Row
Bunny Ears = Tears
Butchers Hook = Look
Cain and Abel = Table
Candle Wax = Tax
Cape of Good Hope = Soap
Cash & Carry = Hari Kari / Suicide
Cat and Mouse = House
Cellar Flap = Tap (to borrow)
Cherry Hog = Dog
Cloud Seven = Heaven
Coffee and Cocoa = Say So (I should cocoa)
Collar and Tie = Pie
Currant Bun = Sun
Custard & Jelly = Telly (TV)
Daily Mail = Tale
Dicky Bird = Word (Don't say a Dicky Bird)
Ding Dong = Sing Song (now means argument or fight)
Dog and Bone = Telephone
Duke of Cork = Talk
Duke of Kent = Rent
Duke of York = Fork
Dunlop Tyre = Liar
Earwig = twig (understand, to catch on)
Earwigging = To Eavesdrop (evolved from earwig)
Elephant and Castle = Parcel
Flowery Dell = Cell (Prison Cell)
Fore and Aft = Daft
Frog and Toad = Road
Gary Glitter = Shitter
Greengages = Wages / Money
Gregory = Cheque (Peck)
Half-inch = pinch (to steal)
Highland Fling = Ring
Holy Ghost = Toast
Jack Jones = Alone (On your Jack)
Jam Jar = Car
Jack and Jill = Hill or Bill or even Cash Register(till)
Jack the Ripper = Kipper
Jackanory = Story / Tall Tale
Jiminee Cricket = Ticket
Joanna = Piano
Johnny Horner = Corner
Kick and Prance = Dance
Lemonade = Spade
Lemon Dash = Flashy
Linen Draper = Newspaper (Reading the Linen)
Little White Mice = dice
Mickey Bliss = Piss (Taking the Mickey/ Piss = jovial sarcasm)
Mutt and Jeff = Deaf
Oily Rag = Fag (cigarette)
On The Floor = Poor
Oxford Scholar = Dollar
Oxo Cube = tube = the London Underground
Pen and Ink = Stink
Peter Pan = Tan
Pipe Your Eye = Cry
Pork Pies = Lies
Potatoes in the Mould = cold (It's taters, aint it !)
Rabbit and Pork = Talk (Rabbit's too much)
Rory O'Moore = Door
Ruby Murray = Curry
Sausage and Mash = Cash
Scapa Flow / Scarper = run away/go
Scooby Doo = Clue (Ain't got a Scooby)
Sherbet Dab = Cab
Steam Tug = Mug
Sweeny Todd = Flying Squad (Police)
Syrup of Fig = Wig
Tin Tack = Sack
Todd Sloane = On your own (on yer Todd)
Tomfoolery = Jewellery (A nice piece of Tom)
Tom Mix = Six
Trick Cyclist = Psychiatrist
Trombone = Phone
Uncle Ned = Bed
ON THE PERSON
Airs and Graces = Braces
Almond Rocks = Socks
Daisy Roots = Boots
Dicky Dirt = Shirt
East and West = Vest
Fly-By-Nights = Tights
Kippers = Slippers
Lional Blairs = Flares (flared trousers)
Peckham Rye = Tie
Round the Houses = Trousers
Sky Rocket = Pocket
Syrup of Fig = wig (golden syrup an awful wig)
Tit for Tat (Titfer) = Hat
Turtle Doves = Gloves
Weasel and Stoat = Coat
Whistle and Flute = Suit
PEOPLE
Artful Dodger = Lodger
Bottle of Porter = Daughter
Bricks and Mortar = Daughter
China Plate = Mate
Duchess of Fyfe = Wife
Dustbin Lid (Bin Lid) = Kid
Ginger Beer = Queer
Hillman Hunter = Punter/Customer
Iron Hoof = Poof
Joe Soap = Dope / Stupid Person
Love and Kisses = Mrs.
Mother of Pearl = Girl
Old Bag = Hag = Horrible Woman
Old Pot and Pan = Old Man
Paraffin Lamp = Tramp
Septic Tank = Yank
Skin and Blister = Sister
Spiders & Bugs = Thugs
Tea Leaf = Thief
Toe Rag = Slag = Female of Easy Virtue
Treacle Tart = Sweetheart
Trouble and Strife = Wife
DRINKING
Aristotle = Bottle
Battlecruiser = Boozer (Pub)
Chewy Toffee = Coffee
Elephants Trunk = Drunk
Fine and Dandy = Brandy
Finger and Thumb = Rum
Fishermans Daughter = Water
Gold Watch = Scotch
Nelson Mandella = Lager (stella)
Pigs Ear = Beer
Plink-Plonk = vin Blanc (Wine, A bottle of plonk)
Rosie Lee = Tea
Rub-a-Dub-Dub = Pub
Salmon and Trout = Stout
Tiddlywink = Drink
Tiddly = Drunk
Vera Lynn = Gin
To most people living outside London a "Cockney" is any Londoner; But a Cockney is a person born within hearing distance of the sound of Bow bells, the bells of the Church of St Mary Le Bow in Cheapside, London, EC2 . Although much of Cockney Rhyming slang has now become part of general speech, originally it was a secret language, thought to have originated in the 18th century by street traders to communicate with each other whilst trading illegally. (although it's roots may go far deeper)
There is a lot of modern rhyming slang around these days.
WORDS TO
"Fings Ain't What They Used T' Be"
MONEY SLANG
Archer = £2000
Bag of Sand = £1000
Grand = £1000
Monkey = £500
Ton = £100
Carpet = £30
Pony = £25
Macaroni = £25
Apple Core = £20
Score = £20
Speckled Hen = £10
Uncle Ben = £10
Nigel Ben = £10
Paul McKenna = £10
Ayrton (Senna) = Tenner = £10
Lady (Godiva) = Fiver = £5
Taxi Driver = Fiver = £5
Nicker or Quid = £1
Ten Bob Bit = 50p piece
Oxford = 5 shillings
Lord of the Manor = Tanner (sixpence)
Tanner = sixpence
COCKNEY RHYMING SLANG
NUMBERS
1 = Wunner = 1
1 = Lost & Won
2 = Bottle Of Glue
3 = Holy Sea
4 = Stand in Awe
5 = Jacks Alive
5 = Ching
6 = Fiddle Stick
7 = Exeter in Devon
8 = Harry Tate
8 = Fartoo
9 = Coal Mine
10 = Big Ben
10 = Bill & Ben
10 = Cock & Hen
10 = Foxes Den
10 = Tony Ben
11 = Hell and Heaven
12 = Dig and Delve
13 = Hurt and Be Mean
14 = Sortin' letters
20 = Mussels a Plenty)
30 = Flirty Gertie
50 = Nifty
50 = Bullseye
* * * * * *
Chineses Dentist = 2:30 = tooth hurty
BITS & BOBS
Adam and Eve = Believe
Apples and Pears = Stairs
Aunt Mable = Table
Baked Potato = See You Later
Ball and Chalk = Walk
Barnaby Rudge = Judge
Barny Rubble = Trouble
Bat and Wicket = Ticket
Bees Wax = Tax
Bird Lime = Time = Prison Sentence
Bob Hope = Dope (Marijuana)
Bobble Hat and Scarf = Laugh (You 'avin' a bobble; you can't be serious)
Borasic Lint = Skint (broke: no money)
Brixton Riot = Diet
Brown Bread = Dead
Bread and Honey = Money
Bubble Barf/Bath = laugh (you 'avin' a bubble..)
Bubble and Squeak = Speak
Bull and Cow = Row
Bunny Ears = Tears
Butchers Hook = Look
Cain and Abel = Table
Candle Wax = Tax
Cape of Good Hope = Soap
Cash & Carry = Hari Kari / Suicide
Cat and Mouse = House
Cellar Flap = Tap (to borrow)
Cherry Hog = Dog
Cloud Seven = Heaven
Coffee and Cocoa = Say So (I should cocoa)
Collar and Tie = Pie
Currant Bun = Sun
Custard & Jelly = Telly (TV)
Daily Mail = Tale
Dicky Bird = Word (Don't say a Dicky Bird)
Ding Dong = Sing Song (now means argument or fight)
Dog and Bone = Telephone
Duke of Cork = Talk
Duke of Kent = Rent
Duke of York = Fork
Dunlop Tyre = Liar
Earwig = twig (understand, to catch on)
Earwigging = To Eavesdrop (evolved from earwig)
Elephant and Castle = Parcel
Flowery Dell = Cell (Prison Cell)
Fore and Aft = Daft
Frog and Toad = Road
Gary Glitter = Shitter
Greengages = Wages / Money
Gregory = Cheque (Peck)
Half-inch = pinch (to steal)
Highland Fling = Ring
Holy Ghost = Toast
Jack Jones = Alone (On your Jack)
Jam Jar = Car
Jack and Jill = Hill or Bill or even Cash Register(till)
Jack the Ripper = Kipper
Jackanory = Story / Tall Tale
Jiminee Cricket = Ticket
Joanna = Piano
Johnny Horner = Corner
Kick and Prance = Dance
Lemonade = Spade
Lemon Dash = Flashy
Linen Draper = Newspaper (Reading the Linen)
Little White Mice = dice
Mickey Bliss = Piss (Taking the Mickey/ Piss = jovial sarcasm)
Mutt and Jeff = Deaf
Oily Rag = Fag (cigarette)
On The Floor = Poor
Oxford Scholar = Dollar
Oxo Cube = tube = the London Underground
Pen and Ink = Stink
Peter Pan = Tan
Pipe Your Eye = Cry
Pork Pies = Lies
Potatoes in the Mould = cold (It's taters, aint it !)
Rabbit and Pork = Talk (Rabbit's too much)
Rory O'Moore = Door
Ruby Murray = Curry
Sausage and Mash = Cash
Scapa Flow / Scarper = run away/go
Scooby Doo = Clue (Ain't got a Scooby)
Sherbet Dab = Cab
Steam Tug = Mug
Sweeny Todd = Flying Squad (Police)
Syrup of Fig = Wig
Tin Tack = Sack
Todd Sloane = On your own (on yer Todd)
Tomfoolery = Jewellery (A nice piece of Tom)
Tom Mix = Six
Trick Cyclist = Psychiatrist
Trombone = Phone
Uncle Ned = Bed
ON THE PERSON
Airs and Graces = Braces
Almond Rocks = Socks
Daisy Roots = Boots
Dicky Dirt = Shirt
East and West = Vest
Fly-By-Nights = Tights
Kippers = Slippers
Lional Blairs = Flares (flared trousers)
Peckham Rye = Tie
Round the Houses = Trousers
Sky Rocket = Pocket
Syrup of Fig = wig (golden syrup an awful wig)
Tit for Tat (Titfer) = Hat
Turtle Doves = Gloves
Weasel and Stoat = Coat
Whistle and Flute = Suit
PEOPLE
Artful Dodger = Lodger
Bottle of Porter = Daughter
Bricks and Mortar = Daughter
China Plate = Mate
Duchess of Fyfe = Wife
Dustbin Lid (Bin Lid) = Kid
Ginger Beer = Queer
Hillman Hunter = Punter/Customer
Iron Hoof = Poof
Joe Soap = Dope / Stupid Person
Love and Kisses = Mrs.
Mother of Pearl = Girl
Old Bag = Hag = Horrible Woman
Old Pot and Pan = Old Man
Paraffin Lamp = Tramp
Septic Tank = Yank
Skin and Blister = Sister
Spiders & Bugs = Thugs
Tea Leaf = Thief
Toe Rag = Slag = Female of Easy Virtue
Treacle Tart = Sweetheart
Trouble and Strife = Wife
DRINKING
Aristotle = Bottle
Battlecruiser = Boozer (Pub)
Chewy Toffee = Coffee
Elephants Trunk = Drunk
Fine and Dandy = Brandy
Finger and Thumb = Rum
Fishermans Daughter = Water
Gold Watch = Scotch
Nelson Mandella = Lager (stella)
Pigs Ear = Beer
Plink-Plonk = vin Blanc (Wine, A bottle of plonk)
Rosie Lee = Tea
Rub-a-Dub-Dub = Pub
Salmon and Trout = Stout
Tiddlywink = Drink
Tiddly = Drunk
Vera Lynn = Gin
Places I have been (as well as you, no doubt?)
I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.
I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.
I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my friends, family and work.
I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore.
I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often.
I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.
Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.
One of my favourite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!
And, sometimes I think I am in Vincible but life shows me I am not!
I have been in Deeptrouble many times. The older I get, the easier it is to get there.
.
I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.
I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.
I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my friends, family and work.
I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore.
I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often.
I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.
Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.
One of my favourite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!
And, sometimes I think I am in Vincible but life shows me I am not!
I have been in Deeptrouble many times. The older I get, the easier it is to get there.
.
chat up lines:
Hi, I'm doing a survey ...What's your name? What's your phone number? Are you free next Saturday?
I think there is something wrong with my phone. Could you try calling it for me to see if it rings?
Can I borrow your phone please? (Why?) I need to phone God and tell him I have found his missing angel.
You see my friend over there? He wants to know if you think I'm cute?
The only thing your eyes haven't told me is your name.
Excuse me, did you just touch my ass? (No!). Damn!
If I were to ask you for sex, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?
Shall we talk or continue flirting from a distance?
What's your sign?
I have only three months to live.
Him - Did it hurt? Her - Did what hurt? Him - When you fell out of heaven.
How was heaven when you left it?
If water were beauty, you'd be an ocean.
If kisses were snowflakes, I'd send you a blizzard.
You remind me of a compass; because I'd be lost without you.
If I had a flower for every time I thought of you, I could walk in my own garden forever.
Do you have a map? Because I keep getting lost in your eyes.
Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me?
You must be a hell of a thief because you stole my heart from across the room.
Your eyes are blue, like the ocean and I'm lost at sea.
These are the top 10 "chat up lines" for girls:
Is your name Gillette - the best a woman can get?
I lost my teddy bear. Will you sleep with me?
Were you in the Boy Scouts? Because you sure have tied my heart in a knot.
Do you have a plaster? I hurt my knee when I fell for you.
You know, sweetie, my lips won't just kiss themselves.
Do these look real?
I may not be Wilma Flintstone, but I know I can make your Bedrock.
Do you believe in love at first sight...or do I have to walk by again?
Sorry if I'm wrong, but don't you want to kiss me?
I'm new in town, could I have the directions to your apartment please?
Hi, I'm doing a survey ...What's your name? What's your phone number? Are you free next Saturday?
I think there is something wrong with my phone. Could you try calling it for me to see if it rings?
Can I borrow your phone please? (Why?) I need to phone God and tell him I have found his missing angel.
You see my friend over there? He wants to know if you think I'm cute?
The only thing your eyes haven't told me is your name.
Excuse me, did you just touch my ass? (No!). Damn!
If I were to ask you for sex, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?
Shall we talk or continue flirting from a distance?
What's your sign?
I have only three months to live.
Him - Did it hurt? Her - Did what hurt? Him - When you fell out of heaven.
How was heaven when you left it?
If water were beauty, you'd be an ocean.
If kisses were snowflakes, I'd send you a blizzard.
You remind me of a compass; because I'd be lost without you.
If I had a flower for every time I thought of you, I could walk in my own garden forever.
Do you have a map? Because I keep getting lost in your eyes.
Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me?
You must be a hell of a thief because you stole my heart from across the room.
Your eyes are blue, like the ocean and I'm lost at sea.
These are the top 10 "chat up lines" for girls:
Is your name Gillette - the best a woman can get?
I lost my teddy bear. Will you sleep with me?
Were you in the Boy Scouts? Because you sure have tied my heart in a knot.
Do you have a plaster? I hurt my knee when I fell for you.
You know, sweetie, my lips won't just kiss themselves.
Do these look real?
I may not be Wilma Flintstone, but I know I can make your Bedrock.
Do you believe in love at first sight...or do I have to walk by again?
Sorry if I'm wrong, but don't you want to kiss me?
I'm new in town, could I have the directions to your apartment please?
MARRIAGE JOKES
Getting married is very much like going to a continental restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man."
Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is really finished.
Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his bachelor's degree and the woman gets her master's.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."
Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad: "That happens in most countries, son."
Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late."
A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the wife takes.
When a newly married man looks happy we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy - we wonder why
Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
Getting married is very much like going to a continental restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man."
Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is really finished.
Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his bachelor's degree and the woman gets her master's.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."
Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad: "That happens in most countries, son."
Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late."
A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the wife takes.
When a newly married man looks happy we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy - we wonder why
Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
JOKE SELECTION
What tea do footballers drink ? Penaltea !
Two Elderly Men sitting on a park bench, watch the young girls go by. One says to the other you know I'm still sexually interested in Women.In fact I always get excited when I see the young Girls walking by.The real problem is, that at this age I dont see so good any more.
An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer--you're in the wrong place." So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy. One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?" Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next." God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake! He should never have gotten down there; send him up here." Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him." God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue." Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"